Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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