all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
