Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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