I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
