Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
