the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
