so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
