Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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