so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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