He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
