This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
