Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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