I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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