Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
