I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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