We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just pee around me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
