It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
