My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
