my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
