The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
