If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
