im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
