so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
