i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
