you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
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