I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
