2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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