Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
