I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
