I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
