Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
