So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
