people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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