If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
