Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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