a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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