When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
