Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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