You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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