You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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