the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How does one acquire holy water?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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