his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
