he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
