I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
