i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
