Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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