ugly people sure do ruin things
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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