Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
