woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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