No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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