Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
