she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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