so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How naked do you want me to be?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
