If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
