I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
