Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
