I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
