I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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