i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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