It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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