Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
