I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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