she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
